Balancing An Emotional Mindset
The theme for Strength Adapted this month is mindset, so I’m having to open this post with the fact that I’ve been struggling quite a bit this past month. This is a hard time of year for me. It’s supposed to be a time of celebration with both my husband’s birthday and my birthday happening within two weeks of each other but it’s also a time of incredible sadness for me. My mother passed away two weeks before her birthday which also happens in the same period of time. On her birthday weekend, twelve years ago we were going to make a road trip of her moving out here with me and my husband, I was looking forward to the time we would be spending together on the road being able to catch up, not to mention her moving to the same city as myself again. I missed our late night conversations about anything and everything so much, still do.
I’m having to learn how to give myself grace during this time and I’m understanding that it really doesn’t matter how much time has passed since a traumatic experience, it doesn’t get easier, you just get stronger and sometimes learn how to deal with it in a healthier manner. This year is not that year for me as this time has been much more difficult than the last few anniversaries and truthfully I’m not sure why, I just know that it hurts a lot more this year. I’m trying to teach myself how I can move through times like these gracefully and not let myself fall apart so in hoping that next year, I won’t be struggling quite as badly. I’m also letting myself know that it’s okay to be in a dark place currently, as long as I don’t let myself dwell here too long. I’ve got to remember that I need to be present in my life and for those around me and I can’t hide behind the veil of sadness, she wouldn’t want that for me either. I’m allowing the feelings to be here, the tears to fall, the moments of questioning everything, and the screams coming from the depths of my soul. These are all valid, these are all part of my human experience, all part of my life but they are only a part. The other parts are filled with happiness, joy, lots of smiling and laughter, these are also a part of my human experience and every single one of these feelings is valid and needed so that I can become the best version of myself.
I find it crucial in moments and times like these to take stock in everything you have and how far you’ve come even though in the moment it may be something incredibly hard to do. This helps me remember who I am and have become and all the reasons why I absolutely must allow these feelings to happen but also pull myself back into my life and doing the things I need and want to do. It’s in moments like these where you can shift your mindset and realize the amazing person you are and have become because of all the experiences you’ve had in life. Life is such an amazing journey, full of the highest highs and the absolute lowest lows with each one being a learning experience and a snapshot in time that helps mold your soul.
Everything single thing that I have been through has created the person I am today; a person that I’m immensely proud of, who has amazing strength yet vast amounts of vulnerability. I’ve weathered storms and moments I care not to remember or repeat. I’ve celebrated times and felt absolutely on top of the world more times than I can count. Each and every one of these moments, both awful and amazing belong to me and my perception of these belongs only to me. The human experience is full of amazing things so remember to live your life every day; be grateful for everything you have and give yourself grace during the times you are struggling.
Most of all be kind to yourself. Remind yourself daily, hourly or every moment of every single day if you have to, this world need more kindness and one way to start is to show kindness to yourself in difficult times. This is how I’m working on shifting my mindset during this difficult time. I’m focusing on the things I can control and trying (definitely not the best at it) to let go of the things I can’t. I’m letting myself feel what I need to but I’m reminding myself that I can’t dwell here. I’m remembering the goals I want to accomplish and this is good reminder to start out with those small steps to get there.
